My Unintentional Journey of Pseudo-Sobriety

I never would have thought I would be writing something like this. If you know me in real life, you probably have known me at some point as a heavy drinker. Throughout my four years of college I partied and drank regularly, as is common for many college students. It was well known amongst my friends that I had an insane tolerance and also made strong drinks for friends when I was drunk so, needless to say, lots of people thought I was really fun. I thought I was really fun, and maybe I was. 

Post grad, I didn’t drink as often simply because there wasn’t as much opportunity, and I was living with my parents again after moving back home so there wasn’t as much freedom either. They aren’t tea-totallers by any means, but they aren’t huge drinkers. I would drink at friends’ houses, and could still drink a lot of my friends under the table but I noticed that hangovers were getting worse as I got older. Eventually I started thinking about how the hangovers didn’t feel worth it anymore, and I got to the point where feeling drunk wasn’t even really enjoyable anymore. 

So I started drinking less and less, which brought me to 2020. Over the course of this past year, I haven’t remained completely sober, and it wasn’t even too much of a conscious choice, but I have had very little alcohol in 2020.

New Year’s Eve, December 31st, 2019, I had a few drinks but didn’t even get drunk and left our annual gathering shortly after 1 am rather than spending the night. 

I believe we drank mimosas for my mom’s birthday but I only had maybe two. I had one beer that I can recall sometime over the summer, one or two mixed drinks spread out over months’ time. I got tipsy on a friend’s birthday in October, had two bellinis on election night, and two mimosas on Christmas. When I list them all together like that it may sound like more than “very little”, but this was a total of maybe twelve drinks over the course of an entire year, when often I would have close to that in one night in the past. 

(Me at 22 on a beach trip with my friends after college graduation)

The thing about this, and why I’m writing about it, is that I did not set out for sobriety…rather it sort of just happened to me and I don’t want this to come off as braggy like, oh look what I did I’m better than you because I don’t drink. And that’s why I started off with the story of my history of drinking, because this wasn’t something I ever thought about for myself. 

I started choosing, more often than not, to not drink simply because it didn’t hold much appeal for me anymore. And I definitely wasn’t thinking about this at the time, but looking back, I have felt so much better. Now, some people will say you’ll lose a ton of weight when you stop drinking which wasn’t the case for me. I’m still fat, I still partake in other “non-sober” experiences, I even still have a drink every once in a while. But I haven’t been truly drunk since December 7th, 2019 and it feels fantastic.

All of the things people try to tell you about not drinking that I believed to be bullshit, sober mumbo jumbo, I’m finding are actually true. My head is so much clearer, even though I’ve actually gained weight over the past year, I feel healthier. I feel more in-tune with my body, I wake up feeling much more energized, I’ve had less headaches – even my chronic headaches and migraines I get regularly from a shoulder/neck issue have decreased in frequency and pain level. I’ve been more creative and present in my life, I’ve been a happier person, even with mental illness ever-present. 

I am not anti-drinking, and I never will be. But I have also realized that I may have had more of an issue with alcohol than I ever thought. I don’t have an addictive personality, and I’m not an alcoholic by any means – alcohol is a serious disease that I wouldn’t take lightly. However, looking back on a large chunk of the time I was drinking the most, I realize that any time I drank it was to excess, I never had just one drink because I figured ‘if I don’t get drunk, what’s the point?’. 

If you have had serious thoughts about trying out going without alcohol for a while, I say go for it. Don’t let friends pressure you into drinking when you don’t want to. A lot of my close friends still drink quite a bit, but I easily stood my ground by saying I wasn’t interested. If they are your real friends, they should support you and not push it, even if they don’t understand why. 

I think too many people have this misconception that it will always be a hard thing to do, and that it always has to be all or nothing, but it doesn’t. Sure, alcoholics typically need to stay away from 100% of alcohol. But even if that’s not you, and you want to try backing off of drinking, it can be easy. I still (in the time before COVID) hang out with friends, go to restaurants and bars, maybe even have a drink sometimes. You don’t have to give up hanging out with friends, and if they make you feel like you do, then you need new friends. 

So this is how my unintentional pseudo-sobriety has changed my way of thinking in the last year. I would be really interested to hear any stories you would like to share about sobriety or changing your relationship with alcohol. You can email me at

Also, if you or a loved one are suffering with addiction and alcoholism, please seek help. There are tons of resources out there. 

  • Find a local Alcoholics or Narcotics Anonymous meeting
  • SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association) has a hotline 1-800-662-4357, a free, confidential, 24/7, 365 day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English & Spanish) for those facing substance use disorders
  • And many other hotlines and facilities throughout the country

Paloqueth Mermaid Vibe (& bondage set) [review]


Paloqueth is a brand that reached out to me and that I’ve worked with a couple times now. I hadn’t heard anything about them until one of their reps contacted me asking if I would like to be sent a few items to test out in exchange for review and I figured, why not.

If you have been following me, you know that this is the brand that makes my favorite wand vibrator, reviewed here. So I was pleased when thy reached out to me again to see if I was interested in testing out even more products.

The company doesn’t have a massive selection, but they definitely have interesting and intriguing items and I selected a couple.


The main focus of this review is the Mermaid Vibe. Upon first impression, it feels nice, sleek and soft. Aesthetically very pleasing with a softly curving shaft to a small rounded head. The base is shaped nicely to hold and has plenty of length to keep a good grip, especially if you’re using it internally. For being such an affordable price, it is very well constructed and the silicone is soft and buttery.

Overall, this toy performs well, but my favorite part is that I LOVE how quiet it is! It can be used very discreetly, which is great for someone such as myself that does not live alone.

I first used this vibrator externally only. Clitoral stimulation is my favorite way to get off, and typically the most effective. Most of the vibration is focused only in the head, making it perfect for external use since you can focus the head directly where you want stimulation.

It’s very comfortable and easy to hold and if feels good in your hand, the entire length covered with smooth silicone. The conveniently located power button makes it easy to turn off and on without pausing or stopping play, also another good feature for me since once I orgasm, I’m pretty sensitive and overstimulated, and usually need to remove stimulation or turn it off quickly.

The vibrations are a good average level, not too buzzy, but not super rumbly either. I think this would be a good toy for someone just starting out who maybe wants to play around with internal and external play. The motor being located in the head makes it easy to use externally with targeted vibrations, but it also has plenty of insertable length to be used internally.


I was also sent their ten piece BDSM set, which I have tried out a bit. I haven’t had partnered interactions in a while so I haven’t been able to test their full potential and usability, but I have played around with them as much as I could. The cuffs and collar are very comfortable, the fuzzy lining makes them easy to wear and helps from hurting or cutting into your skin if you were to pull on them while restrained. The collar is a lot wider than what I am used to, making it almost function as a posture collar, but because of the lining, it’s not extremely uncomfortable.

The collar and cuffs also have a good range in size adjustability; I have a larger neck size and it fit me just fine.

The ball gag is where I got a bit discouraged. The side pieces are nice and soft, not cutting into the corners of your mouth, however, where I had a problem was with the ball itself. Rather than being a squishier rubber or silicone, it is the style made of hard plastic with holes – a lot like a wiffle ball. While some folks may be fine with or even enjoy this type of gag, it is just a bit too much for my mouth. I sometimes have issues with TMJ so having my mouth stretched that far open was a little too much for my poor jaw.

The other items in the set I haven’t gotten to test yet but am excited to try out. There is a small flogger (this is one item that seems a little more cheaply made – though it looks like it’ll get the job done), some soft black rope, and an x-shaped hog-tie style restraint.


As always, though I was sent these items, all thoughts and opinions are my own. If you’re interested in checking out Paloqueth, don’t forget to use code MAREN for 15% of your entire order at checkout.

plusOne 2.0 – New product launch [review]

A while ago, I was sent a few products from a new line by Clio Designs called plusOne. I reviewed their Dual Massager (a “rabbit” style vibrator) and the vibrating bullet.

A few months ago, they added even more products to their lineup, and I was lucky enough to be sent their new stuff to try out.

The first launch were fantastic products, you can find my full review here. However, this time around, I feel like things are even more streamlined and professional. The designs are great; takes on other product ideas but with their own twist., and keeping consistent with their original concept of well-made, affordable toys. I love the company name imprinted in the silicone, making everything look sleek and professional. The addition of magnetic charger connections is a huge plus with this new release, rather than plugs that I always feel like I’m breaking because of how hard you have to shove them in.

Like before, all toys are 100% waterproof, made of high-quality body-safe silicone, and are rechargeable

What are the new products?

Air Pulsing Arouser – $34.98

This is a clitoral sucker that is along the same idea as the one I previously reviewed, but 100 times better as far as actual function and performance. The silicone is buttery and smooth, just like with their initial launch of products, and the seamless design of this sucker; the broad body makes it comfortable to hold, molding to the palm of your hand, the gentle curve sort of hugs the shape of your mons pubis as well.

This is the only toy of its kind that is totally waterproof, not to mention that most are twice the price.

It’s much less aggressive than the other sucker that I reviewed, therefore making things much more enjoyable. I had always liked the idea of one of these toys before trying one, yet was so turned off by the first one I tried…I’m glad that I gave another one a shot.

Mini Massager

I was also sent the Mini Massager which is such a versatile and fun toy. It’s amazing for travel and has so many different uses which makes it a welcome addition to my top shelf lineup. It’s a versatile toy with more pinpoint vibrations that can serve as a multi-functional and gender-neutral product.

The toy itself is a perfect mix of easy to hold in your hand, but also serves a similar function as my beloved bullets. If you know me, or have read my other reviews, you know that I am a bullet queen. They are my favorite type of toy as someone who loves clitoral stimulation more than anything else, and yes, I am still holding onto my absolute favorite one even though it takes batteries rather than being rechargeable, and drains them quickly so I have a AAA battery graveyard by my bed


The Mini Massager can work amazingly as a bullet-esque vibe due to it’s more concentrated vibrations, though it’s a bit more comfortable and easier to hold in your hand for an extended period of time. It also easily works for many other uses like nipple play, sensory play on the body, penile stimulation, or could even be used for external anal stimulation. It’s intense enough that it can get the job done but not overwhelming, and not too buzzy.

This time around, plusOne has also moved into cleaning and wellness products along with their toys.

Toy Cleaning Wipes – $5.98

These are one of my favorite sex-related products I’ve ever owned that’s not a toy. The convenience factor alone is just too great to pass over. If you are someone who is on the go with your toys, or you’re in a situation where you need to clean a toy quickly without having to, say, break a scene to run to the bathroom and scrub down with toy cleaner, these wipes are amazing.


Aside from cleaning toys, they are body safe and can be used to clean up messes – on fingers, labia, etc. They don’t have harsh, irritating fragrance, they have the right amount of moisture, and don’t leave weird or sticky residues. I know that once I run out of the ones I was sent, I’ll have to go buy more.

Personal Lubricant – $8.98


The lube is pretty standard, and it’s water-based which is great because that’s pretty much all I use- unless I occasionally whip out something a little more long-lasting for butt stuff, like silicone-based – though usually water-based works perfectly fine there as well.

Something that I love is that it’s free from oils and parabens, etc. and it won’t stain your sheets which is one of the best things about any lube. It has the right amount of slip but won’t just drench you, so it’s pretty fuss free. It also lasts longer than some other water-based lubes I’ve tried in the past, so it’s definitely  one I’ll keep reaching for.

Final Thoughts

plusOne you’ve done it again. I keep being impressed by this brand, and I love the fact that they are sold through such large, mainstream outlets as Walmart and Target, making them more easily accessible to the masses (even if my local stores don’t carry them – yay Bible Belt…). They create quality products that are realistic, affordable, function well, and seem built to last – with their consumer in mind. I think I can confidently say that any future launches from this company, I will be snatching up as well.

Though these products were sent to me, all thoughts and opinions are my own – I will always keep it real. If you are interested in checking any of these out for yourself, visit your local Walmart, Target, or click the links thought this post.

For more information on each toy and the brand itself, check out the plusOne website here.

I Like Butt Stuff and I Cannot Lie


People always say, never say never, and we almost always think it’s bullshit, right? I’m in the same boat, however, until about two years ago, I had sworn that I would never put anything in my butt. I had even watched DP porn…kind of a lot of DP porn, but I had myself convinced that even if I was okay with watching it, I had no interest in ever experiencing it. I preached to others, like my friends, that it was normal and that the anus is an erogenous zone, while simultaneously disavowing anything to do with the practice. 

Then I started getting more involved in my kinks and other sexual interests in general (for more on that, check this out), and started thinking more and more about it. After all, I’d watched the porn, so why not try it at least once? What’s the worst thing that could happen? I don’t like it and never do it again? Seemed like a fair plan tome, so I set myself up, laid down a towel just to be safe, because even though I’d never done it I knew that anal takes a good amount of lube and I just didn’t want to make a mess on my sheets (because is there anyone who doesn’t absolutely hate washing sheets and having to remake the bed?), and I just did it. And I loved it. I had an experience that I never imagined I would enjoy and had my first anal orgasm the very first time. Sure it felt weird at first, and I had to remind myself that yes it felt a little like pooping because that’s the only other sensation I’ve ever had in that area before, but once I got past all that, it was great. 


Now that I knew I enjoyed this thing that I had been adamant I would never do, I had a new thing and I went out and bought all the necessary supplies. I got an anal douche, more lube, and butt plugs – the regular and vibrating variety. I started reading more about anal, being the sex nerd that I am I wanted to know everything there is to know about what people have done with anal, things that feel good, things that feel terrible, what to never put in your ass, etc. 

Rule Number One – never put anything in your asshole that you cannot easily get out of it. If you aren’t aware of this rule, here’s why. 

Once you stick something in there, it kind of acts like a vacuum so if what you’re using doesn’t have a handle of some sort, it’s gone. Don’t use toys without a flange in your butt; a flange is like the round base of a butt plug, or the base end of a dildo. Basically, it’s something that is wider than the widest point of the toy so that it prevents the toy from getting sucked in and stuck inside you. I’ve met people that work in ERs and can tell horror stories about things they’ve had to remove from people’s rectums…just don’t do it.

Rule Number Two – always use lube. I don’t care what you’re doing back there, the anus is not self-lubricating like a vagina and the friction will hurt if you aren’t lubricated. Don’t be shy with it, honestly, use more than you think you’d need. I promise, you’ll thank me later. 

I have gone on an interesting journey of self-discovery with each new thing that I’ve found that I’m interested in, whether it be kink, my queerness, or even my enjoyment of the one sex act I had vowed to avoid forever. You get a lot of interesting reactions from friends if they find out that you’re into “butt stuff”, even on the smallest scale. You’ll find out that a lot more people have tried it, and enjoy it, than you would have thought, and then you’ll also inevitably get the people, like I used to be that say “oh I would never do that”. 

Don’t let others discourage you from something that you may enjoy, and if you already enjoy it, don’t let other people make you feel bad about that. It’s perfectly normal, after all, it is one of your erogenous zones. Plus, anal is the great equalizer – everyone has an anus.


So I suppose the moral of this story is, don’t totally write off anal if you haven’t tried it, never say never…unless it’s to putting things in your butt without a handle.

Summer Self-Lovin’ with Vibease [review]


Earlier this summer, I was contacted by a company I hadn’t heard of called Vibease, and asked if I wanted to try out their product. I try to stay open-minded and keep my options open to help grow my content and figure out what I like. I figure trying out some questionable products is like a rite of passage and it’s the best way to really figure out what you like and what you want to take in the future. So, I did a little research on their website and figured I would give it a go. There are a lot of pros and some cons to this toy, so let’s just jump right into it.

First Impressions

Just upon first seeing the toy, it looks well-constructed, small , compact, and discreet. It’s made with soft silicone, rechargeable, and waterproof which are all a plus in my book.

The idea of a remote controlled vibrator is what really convinced me to say yes. I have always wanted to try out one of these toys, though the WeVibe versions are on the pricey side and this one was appealing because it is strictly an external clitoral vibe. I haven’t had a real life partner in quite a while, so most of my sexual partners are “digital” at this point in time, so the interactive part is great. Of course it can be used in solo play as well, but the interaction and idea of letting someone else run the vibrations through the app also adds the control aspect I enjoy sometimes as a submissive, and the app is fairly easy to use once you explore a little and figure out the functions. It makes it fun to interact over chat and actually have your partner controlling what’s happening to your body even if they can’t be in the same room with you.

This toy is very quiet, which is such a welcome change from so many others I have, including ones that make the claim to be quiet. It’s also wearable (like in underwear), and quiet enough that you can do this in public or around people if that’s something you enjoy. It gives you the thrill that someone could find out, but doesn’t make enough noise that someone definitely will find out.

Really my only main con is the audiobooks, it’s a great idea but the execution just doesn’t work. I understand what they were trying to do, but in my opinion this is a useless feature. Some may enjoy them, but I never finding myself using it; maybe if there were stories with better quality writing and the vibration aren’t actually in any kind of rhythm that makes sense with the books.


Over all, I enjoy using this toy. I even have found myself enjoying some of the patterns. I never thought this would happen, but I’m starting to like patterns, what’s up with me?? I honestly think that some of the reason I may enjoy and am able to get off even with the patterns is because I’m not the one controlling it, so there’s the added thrill that I don’t know what might happen and what it may feel like.

The motor packs a pretty good punch for the size of this toy, but it’s not too much to the point where you couldn’t use it for a drawn out play session if you wanted to.


Final Thoughts

I love this toy. If you ignore the audiobook feature, this vibrator is fantastic. I love the idea of a remotely controlled vibrator, and I’m glad that I said yes to trying this out. Being someone who has only had long distance sexual partners within the past few years, and also being a submissive who enjoys relinquishing control, I have very much enjoyed this toy and will most definitely keep using it.

I was sent this toy for review, but as always all thoughts and opinions are my own.

I’m (not) a Sucker for You [REVIEW]


I’ve always loved the idea of clitoral sucker toys. Clitoral stimulation is my favorite way to get off, so I figured it would be something I’d enjoy, and it may be in another form but this one isn’t for me.

Imagine my excitement when Paloqueth offered to send me some toys of my choice from their site to test out. Along with my favorite wand that I already reviewed, I picked out the Holyvo Sucker Vibrator to finally test out one of these toys I’ve been so intrigued by.

First Impressions


The package arrived and it was adorable: it’s purple, which – aside from black – is my favorite color, and the little emoji button is just too cute. It looks and feels like a quality toy, smooth buttery silicone, the works.

It’s also nice and compact, so it’s not overwhelming to use and it fits perfectly in the palm of your hand.

So how does it perform?

My first issue with this thing is turning it on, which is not easy. Granted, I may be doing something horribly wrong, but I can’t figure out how to get it to turn on without several tries each time, so that’s strike one.

Strike two is the actual use of the toy itself. I have what I would say is probably medium sensitivity in my clit, so not nothing, but not so sensitive that I scream if someone touches it. But it is sensitive enough that I cannot use this toy.

I can’t even get the suction going because the vibrations are too intense and buzzy for me to leave it anywhere in the vicinity of my clit for more than a second. I’ve mentioned before that I like more rumbly vibrations rather than buzzy, and this is most definitely one of the buzziest toys I’ve ever tried.


I hate to say that I haven’t even really tested this out for a proper review because I can’t stand to use it, which makes me sad after how excited I was about it.

Final Thoughts

If you enjoy buzzy vibes, clit torture, or maybe are someone who doesn’t have so much sensitivity in your clit, maybe you will enjoy this.

Don’t let this discourage you from checking out Paloqueth, they have some awesome, quality toys. After all, they have the magical wand vibrator that changed my life. I also have a couple other items from them to test out in the future which I am definitely looking forward to.

If you are interested in checking out what products Paloqueth has to offer, head to their website, and don’t forget to use code MAREN for 15% off your entire order!


Though these products were sent to me, and I am affiliated with Paloqueth, all thoughts and opinions are my own.

“We bought sex toys, isn’t that cool?”: Self Exploration and Education on Buying and Using Sex Toys

I originally wrote this my senior year in college, in the midst of working on finals and writing research papers, I was writing about sex toys even then.

I have always enjoyed this piece and decided to share it here. I feel like it is a great kick off to Pride month with it’s points of bisexual empowerment, and of course it fits right in with my blog content.

It’s interesting to see how far I’ve come in my sex toy journey so far from when I wrote this – the first time I ever wrote about sex toys.

It was written, submitted, and originally published in the Summer 2015 issue of Bi Women Quarterly, a publication run by and for queer women, and headed by the Bisexual Legend herself, Robyn Ochs.

I hope you enjoy!


I remember the first time I bought a sex toy, it was a few years ago…my friend and I attended a sex toy party at a mutual acquaintance’s house, one of those cheesy, stereotypical events where guests play funny games and win prizes like penis erasers and whistles, and everyone sits around in front of a young woman touting jelly rabbits, funky flavored lubes, books on how to “tickle his pickle”, and cheap, somewhat trashy lingerie that is “sure to get him going”. It was also an interesting affair due to the fact that the majority of guests were queer women, and yet the language was heteronormative and to be honest, a bit trite. All of the toys ant other various products at the party were extremely overpriced for their quality, and as young college students we didn’t have a lot of expendable cash, nor were we yet all that comfortable with the idea of purchasing a sex toy. My friend and I made an agreement to go to the mall the next day and look at Spencer’s where they had similar toys for less than half the price.

We each bought a different kind of vibrator and were enthralled, saying to our friends “isn’t this funny? We bought sex toys, isn’t that cool?” It was still taboo and I remember hiding the purchase from my roommate when I got home, tucking it away in a dark corner at the top of the closet. I only used the toy a few times that year, mostly because I lived in a dorm and shared a room, but also partly because I was embarrassed and worried about what she would think of me if she knew I had it (I’m pretty sure she never had a clue).

Over the next couple years, I started talking about sex and masturbation more openly as I got closer with my friends at college, and I was becoming more educated on sex toys though research, talking with friends, and a whole lot of self-exploration. I now own more than a few toys and have become expertly comfortable talking about sex toys with anyone who will listen or wants to know more. Though it only cost ten dollars, and in all honesty was pretty shitty, my first neon purple vibrator helped teach me a lot about myself, masturbation, pleasure, and my own sexuality and body. It opened me up to learning about sex toys, gaining more knowledge about quality toys and safety, and that there are more women using them than people tend to think, and that they aren’t just for straight women, but their queer counterparts as well.

I talk about sex toys, comfortably and openly, on a nearly daily basis…whether with friends, educators, people I’m educating, colleagues, or even my mom. Yet I still am constantly learning new things and changing/adapting my views and opinions on toys, and sex positivity in general. My friends and I talk about sex all the time, in my education of my community we constantly talk about sex, even my parents and I talk about sex. It is something that is always coming up, yet even in those situations where I am most comfortable, the subject of toys is still sometimes taboo or avoided, or at the very least fairly controversial…and I wonder why.

Within the queer community, particularly as a woman who identifies in the middle sexualities, there are a lot of stereotypes placed on my identity and my sexuality. Bisexuals are often labeled and stereotyped as promiscuous, slutty, and therefore our sexualities are often the subject of stricter scrutiny than that of others. This is an interesting issue to combat, especially as a bisexual woman – women’s sexuality being constantly under review and seen as lesser – while also remaining adamantly sex-positive. It can be extremely important to focus on sexual empowerment in the bisexual community and use sexual liberation as a form of self-care, specifically when having to deal with the common myths/stereotypes/discrimination that ae specific to the bi community. I attempt to use sex toys to promote sex positivity and empowerment within my communities, using them as a form of self-love expression, and it is difficult to navigate the line between my sex positivity and the stereotypes I face due to my identity as a queer woman. I believe that it is important for everyone, but queer women in particular, to feel empowered to embrace their sexualities and express themselves through their sexuality, chiefly to combat the fetishization of our identities, telling the public that we are here and we are whole people, and that our sexualities do not exist for the pleasure or prejudice of others.

I have taken quite the journey from buying my first sex toy in Spencer’s with my friend, with little to no knowledge of sex toys, to getting to a point of educating friends and peers on the subject of sex toys and writing for a company that sells toys and promotes feminist, sex positive exploration of one’s own sexuality. It may not be an easy journey for everyone to take, and becoming comfortable with discussing these topics may not be a simple feat, but I whole-heartedly believe that everyone can reach their own sex toy epiphany. As bi women, we can rise above the stereotypes and labels placed on us and come to embrace and love who we are, and not be afraid of sharing that with the world.


Bi Women Quarterly is a really cool publication and tied to an awesome organization – Bi Women Boston. Check them out here!

If you know of an organization looking for a speaker, check out Robyn


Bibbidi-Bobbidi-New Toy Review: first wand review


This is my first wand. I know I’m behind, it seems like you’re not really a true sex blogger until you own a wand. I never felt like I had the means to shell out the steep prices attached to most good wands (and I still feel like I haven’t made it as a “real” sex blogger until I own a Magic Wand lol). So when a company reached out to me and offered to let me choose products to be sent to me, I knew I needed to snatch up one of their wands…and boy was I not disappointed.

Now, I will say that because it is my first, I don’t have a lot to compare it to, so it may not be as great as I think it is. But, as far as I’m concerned, this bad boy is my new best friend. I can’t use it constantly because I have other stuff I also have to test out, but I wanted to make sure I had tested it many times before I gave a review.

Paloqueth, a company I had never heard of prior, reached out to me a while ago asking if I would like to choose products to review and I figured why not. I perused their site and ended up picking a couple things. The wand I’m talking about is their Handheld Rechargeable Massager.


First Impressions

The head of this toy is flexible and large, made with medical grade silicone and a nice motor. I love the fact that it is rechargeable because having to deal with power cords just seems like it would be a nightmare (though I always hear good things about the corded Magic Wand), and the size of the head is great for broad stimulation.

How does it perform?

If you already like wands, I’m sure you would enjoy this one…and if you have never tried a wand, I would say that this is a good one to start out with. If you are newer to external play, this wand is a good starter in my opinion because as much as I love my bullets, a lot of them can be way too intense, particularly for someone who isn’t used to extended clitoral stimulation.

As I’ve said in other reviews, external stimulation is my favorite, particularly with vibration, so I knew that wands would be for me. This particular model has a powerful enough motor but isn’t so intense that it’s overwhelming and has several different power levels – also includes patterns which, if you know me, is not my thing.

I have even ignored other toys I should have been testing and chosen this one instead just because I already knew I wouldn’t be disappointed by its performance and wouldn’t have to deal with the awkwardness of getting comfortable with something new, figuring out how it worked.


Final Thoughts

This thing is an orgasm machine. I don’t think I have ever reached orgasm as quickly or as hard as with this wand, at least not in the same way. And that is why I love it so much. I can, of course, draw things out as long as I need to, but it also can get the job done if I’m short on time. And it’s pretty much guaranteed that, no matter what, it will get me there which I can’t say of every toy I’ve used, even some of my favorites.

So I think it’s safe to say that the magical massager wand will be in heavy rotation from here on out, at least until something better comes along which I don’t see happening anytime soon.


Like I said previously, I don’t really know a whole lot about this company, but they do seem to have a fairly decent selection on their website and I plan to do a bit more research into what they’re all about, especially since I love their wand so much.

Products were sent to me by Paloqueth, but all thoughts and opinions are my own


New Vibes In Town: plusOne review


A little while ago, I was sent a couple products from a new line called plusOne, which is part of the Clio products line who make things like bikini trimmers and personal razors. I have used Clio products in the past so I was excited to learn that they now are making a line of affordable sex toys.

plusOne sells through Walmart, Target, and Amazon, which is great because it makes sex toys more readily available to folks who don’t necessarily have access to sex shops in their town and don’t want to order offline; either due to shipping costs, or safety/privacy reasons. (Though my local Walmart does not have them in stores because I live in the Bible Belt…)

These are sleek and well-designed affordable toys, even the most pricey not exceeding $30 which means a nice quality and affordable price to those who aren’t financially able to shell out for toys priced upwards of $80-$100.

So what products are offered in this line?

Personal Massager – $25

plusOne personal massager

A small vibrating wand massager that can be used for anything from sore muscles to kinky partner play. The rounded head is perfect for g-spot stimulation or broad clitoral stimulation. This wand has enough length to be used internally, but is also small enough that it’s not clunky and hulking like a lot of wands – don’t get me wrong, I love my wands…but if you want something a bit smaller and easier to wield, this may be right for you.

Vibrating Ring – $16

plusOne vibrating ring

A super stretchy, vibrating cock ring that also provides clitoral stimulation, making it perfect for partner use. If you aren’t using this toy for PIV sex, it could also be used in the same way with a strap-on, anal sex, or could also be used as a small clitoral vibe in solo play if you wanted something a bit smaller than a vibe but not quite a bullet.

Dual Vibrating Massager – $29.98

A “rabbit” style vibrator with dual motors for simultaneous internal and external stimulation, and works for solo or partner play.

Vibrating Bullet – $9.98


A small bullet vibe the sizeof your typical bullet, but packs a punch.

So what are they like? How do they perform?

I was sent the dual vibe and the bullet from the line and have been testing them out for a little while in my rotation.

Dual Vibrating Massager

This vibrator is very flexible which is good for various body types, particularly since each piece is flexible itself, meaning they can stretch apart and bend for larger bodies, or folks with limited mobility. It is made from super soft, smooth silicone and is a bit squishy which is nice because it’s not too rigid but substantial enough that it’s not TOO soft. The best part about the two toys I received is that they are both 100% waterproof, and rechargeable.

This is my first rabbit vibrator for a few reasons. I’ve always shied away from them becuase I don’t always love internal vibration, typically preferring penetration with just a dildo or something like that, and focusing vibration externally. The little animal shaped parts have always weirded me out, so I love that this one does not have that, plus the little wibbly ears always seemed like they might be tickly which is a sensation I’m not really looking for.

I do think that I enjoy some of the patterns on this one, which is rare for me as a person who typically hates patterns. Some of them are more like alternating between the internal and external motors, or a sort of wave vibration which are much more enjoyable than the morse-code-like patterns of a lot of toys.

Vibrating Bullet

I will admit that, like the Sixty I recently reviewed, I was initially turned off of this toy because when turned on it is LOUD, however I kept trying things out with it because I love bullets and wanted it to work. I figured out that the first setting is the most powerful of the steady vibrations and it goes down to a medium, then a low, which is a bit backwards from what I’m used to.

This one has some interesting patterns, but unlike the dual vibe, they’re not for me. This bullet has very powerful, buzzy vibrations rather than a little more rumbly which is more my speed. I definitely don’t hate it and it has made its way to my bedside. It’s currently the only rechargeable bullet in my rotation, which is a plus (unlike my favorite one whose only downside is that it runs on batteries which tend to drain pretty quickly).


Final Thoughts

I love that this brand is affordable, accessible, and well-made. They really seemed to think about every aspect of their designs, including the gorgeous outer-packaging. The products work well with my current favorite lube: Good Clean Love BioNude, which is definitely a plus because it works really well with my finicky, super sensitive skin.

Though these toys were sent to me, all thoughts and opinions are my own – I will always keep it real. If you are interested in checking any of these out for yourself, visit your local Walmart, Target, or click the links throughout this post 🙂

For more information on each toy and the brand itself, check out the plusOne website here.

Reclaiming A Body: Learning to Accept Body Positivity as Healing After a Disordered Past


(Content warning: discussion of disordered eating behaviors, calorie counting, restricting, binging, purging, mental illness, etc. If any of these topics are at all triggering for you, please don’t read, or read with extreme caution)

I have a secret. It’s not a complete secret because there are people in my life who know about it, or at least parts of it. But it is secret because it is not something that most people know about me, would suspect about me, and not even something that is recognized even by some people I’ve told about it (namely therapists, doctors, and the like).

I have a history of disordered eating habits. I’ve restricted. I’ve binged and purged. I’ve gone through periods where I ate less than 500 calories in a day.

I am also fat. I am also invested in the body positivity movement, and fat acceptance. I hate diet culture and understand that it doesn’t work and is dangerous.

I have spent years, and am still working on, learning to accept a body that I have spent a lot of time and energy hating. I am working every day to reclaim a body that was stolen from me by the media, well-meaning parents, coaches and teachers, 8 year old girls, the diet industry, eating disorders, and so much more.

I remember the first time I ever really thought consciously about my body. I was about 9 years old and it was at my friend’s birthday party. We were at her house and all off just playing around, the party activities pretty much done, and someone had the bright idea to all gather around the scale in the bathroom and each take turns stepping on. It came to my turn and I got on, and it hit somewhere in the ballpark of 90-100 lbs, and everyone had a field day. “Oh my gosh, you weigh 100 pounds?” someone said. There were snickers, and whispering and I quickly got off. I was tall for my age, and at least a year older than all of the other girls there, I was a dancer, I was athletic so I had muscle, and I also had never thought about whether I weighed more, less, or the same as other girls. I was me, I’d never had anyone concerned about my size – not even my doctor – and I had never felt fat. All of a sudden I was questioning everything. I was not a fat kid, but from that day on I thought about my body differently.

I remember in middle school when they sent the “fat letters” home to kids whose BMI test was in the above average percentile, but I still wasn’t fat. I had already grown bored with sports and had recently quit dancing due to multiple foot and ankle injuries, and a lack of interest, and I had gained a bit of weight, but I still was a pretty healthy and active kid. I had started my period before I got to middle school so my body was going through a ton of changes already when my parents received this letter about my weight, and luckily they were not the kind of parents to buy into all that bullshit…but it didn’t matter, because the psychological damage was done. My body was already becoming foreign to me through puberty, and then my school or the state or whoever sent those heinous things out was calling me fat, and I felt like that 9 year old girl again.

Flash forward through countless times I hated my body, times I wished I could look like the other girls in my high school who were skinny and had boyfriends, who wore size 2 prom dresses and had dates that weren’t their closeted gay best friend they were secretly in love with. My junior year of high school was the year I experienced my first bout of severe depression; I wore sweatpants to school every day (which if you knew me then or know me now, I don’t wear sweatpants in public) and didn’t care at all about what I looked like, and it’s sad that the period of time where I actually didn’t care about my appearance was a time that I wanted to just disappear altogether. I had never experienced that feeling in a healthy time, and I wouldn’t really until after college.

College is when my manic-depressiveness showed up and also when I was at the height of body issues, and when my eating disorder really took hold. I also have a history with self-harm, which I thought I had conquered by the end of high school; however, when my illness manifested and I was also dealing with my eating issues and body dysmorphia, it all bubbled back to the surface. Not only was what I was doing to my body through my disorder a form of self-harm, but I also was back to old habits…it wasn’t as bad and not as frequent, but it all goes hand in hand with each other. At the height of my disorder I was cycling through different dangerous behaviors. Some days I would meticulously eat less than 500 calories, others I would just go smoke anytime I felt hungry, I would go on disgusting binges where I went through 3 or 4 different drive thrus, it was a vicious cycle and mixed with the up and downs of mania and depression, I was a wreck.

In my depressions, I wouldn’t care what I looked like, dressing in big sweaters and just going about my day, or skipping classes to lie in bed. Or in the height of my manias, I would skip class to go shopping, go drink black coffee and chain smoke, or get dressed up like I thought I was the hottest person in the world and go out to bars and get trashed. I was a wreck, and I was living completely recklessly, all the while I didn’t know who’s body I was living in but it surely wasn’t mine. I was out of my body, I was out of my mind. I was using coffee, cigarettes, alcohol, and shopping as a substitute for food when I was on my highs…and then I would come crashing down and go on a binge. I would hate myself, berate myself for eating so much food before going to the bathroom to purge. The funny thing is that in movies and tv they make it look like it’s easy, and like it’s not disgusting, and both of those are false. As someone who hates vomit and throwing up, how did I do that to myself for years? It still baffles me.

I have had therapists that one of the first things I mentioned during intake was that I had an unhealthy relationship with food and my body, and out right told them I struggled with disordered eating habits. They would nod, seem to make note of it, and it was never mentioned again unless I was the one who brought it up. Mind you, this was when I was in the height of my disorder. I knew I had a problem, I was practically screaming for help, and no one did anything.

I’ve never had doctors who ever sensed that there was anything wrong. I have never been what anyone would consider a “typical” eating disorder candidate. I have never been severely underweight, in fact, throughout even the worst points of my disorder I remained overweight (not as uncommon as mainstream media would have you believe). However, this assumption is dangerous because I was suffering and doing really dangerous things to my body, like popping laxatives like candy and restricting to the point my entire body was in pain from hunger…but no doctor would ever think there was a problem because I wasn’t rapidly losing weight, and even if I had been, I’ve always been encouraged by doctors to lose weight since I’ve always been the “big girl”, in fact the last time I went to the doctor was for a routine meds check in to get refills. He spent about two minutes talking about how I’m doing with my medications before coming out with “what are you doing about your weight?” When I said “not a whole lot” he was less than thrilled. He immediately launched into an attempt to push me and shame me into a diet that not only sounded physically dangerous for anyone, but also specifically volatile for someone with a history of disordered eating – fasting and hyper-restriction just isn’t a good idea for someone with an eating disorder. I didn’t bother to tell him about my disorder (which is nowhere in my medical records, by the way) because I knew that if he was saying the things he was and already had, he would dismiss me the same way so many others had.

It’s more common than the general public would think for people suffering from eating disorders to not look like the stereotype of hyper-thinness and be severely underweight, though this is the image that is perpetuated, and the knee-jerk image we think of when we hear the words eating disorder. This stereotyping becomes a big problem when it comes to those who have average or even overweight bodies, an arguably dangerous problem. A lot of people who are struggling – and yes, their struggle is just as real and legitimate – may think it’s not bad to keep hurting their bodies because their pain can’t be “that bad” because their behavior isn’t as extreme as somebody else, because their weight isn’t down to double digits, because they’re not as sick as some other girl they know with a disorder, because they’ve never had to be committed to a hospital or gone through inpatient treatment, because it’s just not that bad.

But no matter your size, your pain is real.

If you have an eating disorder, and if you are “curvy”, or “average” or fat, or “seemingly healthy”, your pain is still just as real as all those other people. There are many forms of scars left by eating disorders, even when it may be invisible. I have premature acid reflux issues from purging, and stomach issues that were never a problem before, probably due to laxative abuse. A dear friend of mine has suffered with bulimia for more than a decade. She has never had a body type that looked like the typical image of someone with an eating disorder, but her throat is internally scarred and damaged from years of purging. She has put in the work for her recovery, she has gone to therapy and is doing well, but she is still left with those scars – physical and mental – of an eating disorder, even though you couldn’t ever “see” it. That doesn’t make her suffering less valid, doesn’t make her pain any less real. I know other women who have been one of those girls who got scary skinny. Hospitalization, feeding tubes, inpatient treatment, etc. Though thankfully they seem to be doing alright now. But they were lucky, we were all lucky. Some of them don’t ever even own the fact that they ever had an eating disorder even though they hit that threshold. The first friend has never been “that girl”, yet she will forever wear the scars left by bulimia. I’ve never been “that girl”, yet I wear my eating disorder, I own it, because for me it’s always been invisible.

It’s an interesting juxtaposition that I spoke about times I felt like I wanted to disappear, and how invisible this struggle has been and still remains to be.

My disorder was never dealt with in a formal setting and therefore, I am still violently triggered at any suggestion that I regulate what I eat in any form that resembles calorie counting or restricting. I still picture purging any time I throw up for any reason, to the extent that I often keep it secret even if it is due to illness, because eating disorders are built on secrets, and those habits die hard. And though I personally have half-dealt with the actual behaviors, I still haven’t mended my relationship with food.
For a long time, I haven’t been what anyone would consider “small” in size. I’m tall, and as a kid I was always tall for my age so my weight, while still above average, was distributed fairly well. I don’t remember exactly when I became fat, somewhere in college maybe? Or was it during high school? I guess it would depend who you ask. But I do know that I’ve never felt, since I was probably in middle school, that I had a normal or average body type. I’ve always felt like the “big girl”, whether I was or not.


Source, Quote: Kelly Duarte @kellayday, Artwork: Shannen Roberts @cusicoyllurmusic

So I find myself at an interesting crossroads. I love the body positivity and fat acceptance movements, I love the Health At Every Size movement in the medical community, I have read and resonated with countless articles, blogs, and books such as Jes Baker’s “Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls” and “Landwhale”. I have preached that being fat isn’t the terrible thing that the media and society tells us it is, that we don’t have to fit into the image they perpetuate to be happy or successful humans.

But there is also a large part of me, despite my knowledge of the horrors of diet culture, my issues with eating disorders, and the like, that still wants desperately to lose weight, and not necessarily for the right reasons.

I want to be able to wear a smaller size, having been in the same size jeans the majority of my adolescent and adult life. I want to be able to go into any store and find clothes that I love and that fit my body, not having to order special sizes because they aren’t sold in that store but the company carries them, not having to shop in specialty plus size stores where clothes are twice as expensive, not having to settle for clothes that aren’t my personal style just because they fit. I want to look the way that I’ve always thought I needed to for people to want to date me or sleep with me. And I also hate that there is a part of me that wants all these things when I also know that I am not the problem, my body is not the problem. But how do you unlearn a lifetime of these feelings? Having them legitimized and reconfirmed by everyone and everything around you? How do you reclaim a body that has been forever stolen and twisted by these ideals we’ve always been told it’s normal to have?

How do I teach that part of myself that the fashion industry has pigeonholed me into the category of plus size because they have, for centuries, dictated what “straight size” meant and what sizes were included in mainstream stores? How do I teach that part of me that there are people out there who will want to date me or sleep with me with this body and actually find me attractive without wanting me to be a certain size or body type, and also not fetishize my fatness?

I know that diet culture is bullshit; always unhealthy, and often unsafe. I know that a body can be “overweight” but also still healthy (mine is mostly, as far as physical health). I know that women’s clothing sizes are arbitrary and that clothes are just clothes, and it doesn’t matter what number is on the tag inside. But how do you reconcile this knowledge with a society that still has all these size-based oppressive systems in place?

How does someone live happily in a body that has been under constant scrutiny since they can remember? How do you put an eating disorder to rest and also try to have the best body for you, even if that means that it doesn’t fit the mold of “acceptable” or “attractive”?

How – after nothing but criticism, dysmorphia, disorder, chaos, and hatred – do you reclaim a body?

If you are struggling with an eating disorder, or disordered behaviors, body dysmorphia, or just an unhealthy relationship with food or your body, please check out the National Eating Disorders Association for resources.

If you want to learn more about accepting your body, I encourage you to check out some of these links to amazing babes doing the work:

Jes Baker – The Militant Baker (also author of “Landwhale” and “Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls”)

Sonya Renee Taylor – The Body Is Not An Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love

Megan Jayne Crabbe – aka @bodyposipanda (author of “Body Positive Power”)